We Don't Need to Like Each Other

Maybe you entered nursing school with the hopeful notion that if you show every patient every ounce of kindness you can muster, you could always be the one who brightened up their day, even just a little bit - and many times, this is true. But the time must come for every nursing student to meet the first patient who bursts that bubble to smithereens.

This patient may come in many forms. It may be a patient who asks for more time than you have, and resents you for not giving to them. It may be a patient who dislikes being in the hospital and wants no business making small talk with anyone. It may be a patient who simply doesn't like you. Whatever the case, there will be patients who teach you an important lesson: it is not their job to like you.

As a nurse, and especially as a nursing student, being liked is a perk. You have a job to do, and things to learn whether patients like you as a person or not. Your obligations towards your patient remain - your need to feel liked and accepted is secondary. You take a breath, understand that the fact that your patient is hospitalized means they have probably seen much better days, and continue with what needs to happen. If your patient doesn't accept your help - if they ask you not to do something - gracefully accept this. It's difficult, but don't allow yourself to take it so personally. I once had a patient who was angry that I couldn't leave pills on their bedside table to take "when [the patient] felt like it". I informed the patient that I couldn't leave meds in a room unattended, and that I could come back with them another time if they were unable to take them. I explained that it was important to be able to know that the patient took their meds safely, to know when exactly the meds were taken in case of anything. The patient grumped, groused, and called me a few names, but in the end, I was still confident that even if he disliked me for it, I did the most safe thing.

Maybe your patient doesn't like you - but a therapeutic relationship isn't about liking one another. It's about respecting one another.